Mom turns down promotion with 30% raise to spend more time with 3-year-old, frets about making the right decision: 'I promised I wouldn't be a ghost in her childhood'

Ally Perry • Writer and Editor

Oct 15, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

Does being a working mom ever get any easier?

Any involved parent who also has a job quickly learns that juggling kids and work can be even more challenging than these two areas of life on their own. Simply figuring out the childcare arrangements and how to afford them can be a nightmare on its own, without even taking into consideration the guilt when you feel like you are neglecting one of the other duties because of the way that circumstances change.

For many, the only choice they have to make things work is to blur the boundaries between work and parenting, with one recent survey by the Pew Research Center suggesting 54% of working parents find it difficult to balance the two. Part-time and hybrid working options are common, or failing that, many have to make a choice about which thing they are going to prioritize.

While kids may be the obvious part of life to focus more attention on, it's not uncommon for parents to feel upset about not giving their job as much as they could. After all, most people can't afford to raise their children without a decent income coming in, and it's also important to have a life outside of your kids. The traditional working model just isn't something that takes into consideration a person who wants to spend a decent amount of time with their children. Although many workplaces have seen some advancement in this area, it is still well behind where it should be.

*_{A mom smiles as she works from home on her laptop, her young daughter standing beside her. Stock photography for depiction only.}*

As a result, many parents, especially moms, are left in a bind. What comes first—giving their children what they need, or focusing on their career so that the whole family can have more of what they want?

A mom didn't know if she had made the right decision when her company offered her a director role with a 30% pay rise. The issue was that it would increase her commute and require her to travel when she didn't want to be away from her young daughter for too long, as she didn't want to repeat her own mom's mistakes. She looked to advice on accepting the fact that she had turned it down.

Turned down a promotion with a 30% raise today so I don't miss bedtimes with my toddler, and I’m spiraling

I really need some outside perspective tonight because I am sitting in the dark quietly losing my mind.

I was offered a director-level role at work today. It was a massive title jump and roughly $35k more a year, but it comes with regular travel and an hour- long commute. I sat across from my VP, thanked him, and turned it down. I chose to stay in my completely invisible, mid-level remote position where teh workload is predictable.

My mother worked herself to the bone when I was little. She had two jobs, and while she kept a roof over our heads, she was permanently exhausted and I practically raised myself. When I had my daughter, I promised myself I wouldn't be an absent ghost in her childhood.

She knew that she needed the time away from the job.

Right now, I get to close my laptop at 5 PM, put on dinosaur pajamas with my three-year-old, and actually be her mom. But with groceries and rent being insane right now, part of me feels like I just completely self- sabotaged. I basically shoved myself onto the "mommy track" and threw away thirty grand of family security out of sentimental guilt.

did I do the right thing for my daughter, or did I just commit career because I couldn't handle being away? I honestly dont even know anymore.

*_{A mom laughs as she feeds her young daughter breakfast at the table. Not actual story subjects.}*

While it isn't the case for everyone, a large number of moms and dads find that making family come first is not something they regret. Ultimately, your kids are always going to care about you more than your job does. However, understanding that in a work-obsessed culture where we are all supposed to hustle constantly can be a struggle. It's a more difficult choice than it should be.

Sometimes climbing the corporate ladder isn't everyone's first choice.

jp_in_nj I've told my boss that I don't want to be considered for promotion because I prefer doing work over managing others doing work. I'm very good at what I do and like it, and I'm willing not to earningsmaxx in exchange for quality of life.

If it costs you, it costs you. You only get 18 years with your kids guaranteed at home, and the last 4 of those they are very much their own humans. If you're qualified for that promotion, you'll be just as qualified when you're ready for it. If not at your current workplace, then at another.

Her daughter can only appreciate more time spent with her.

jess_sierra_williams I wish there was a way that you could let your daughter know this without putting the weight of what you're not earning on her shoulders, because you have basically said that spending time with her at bedtime is worth at least $35K a year, and that's beautiful. But you sadly could

never explain that to a child without making them feel like it's their fault you might be struggling. That's a shame. I think that as long as you can get by, you've done what's best for your child. As long as you're making ends meet and she's got what she needs, she won't remember money when she's older, she'll

remember the time you spent with her every day and that bedtime routine with you every night.

Most people don't want their entire life to revolve around work.

Endoftheworldis2far You did the right things. A job should supplement your life, not determine it. I'm doing a 60k job when I could be doing 80k. This job is 7mins from my house(the others are 45mins) and it's less work. I didn't realize until I took

this job how miserable my last two jobs made me. I had become another person and was waiting to di

Her parenting may have suffered if she had accepted the promotion.

I-can-speak-4-myself Let me put it this way: had you taken the job, your toddler would have been spiralling instead of you. If your needs are met and desires are under control you made the right call.

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